Today was our Christmas Party and it was so much fun :]

At first, me and my cousin Venus didn't know how to make Buko Salad, which was our assigned recipe for the party ( Yeah I know we suck, but we're just not good in cooking and stuffs like that ). After a while, we figured out what to do and fortunately, it turned out good :] Then I fixed myself up and went straight to our school. There's so many food and everyone -even our teachers- were having a good time.

I could say that the highlight of the party was the part when we exchanged gifts. My classmate, Edison, gave me a super BiG white Teddy Bear :) It's really fluffy and I love it. Sean gave me a cute little Blue Magic stuff toy, mug & flower. I'm really thankful for those gifts and touched at the same time because of the dedication he said when he handed me those.

The dougie battle inside our room was hilarious. The 3rd year students did some crazy dance moves and it was really epic.

The foods were already eaten by that time and all were really having a good time. The games were next and I was chose to partner with Sean in the Paper Dance. It was really embarrassing because of all the teasing we received from our classmates. When the paper we had to share was already too small for the both of us, he gave me a piggy-back ride so in the end we won. We also played The Longest Line. It was Boys vs. Girls so us girls really did our best to take off anything we had just to make the longest line and guess what? we won again.

After the party, we said our goodbyes to the teachers and other schoolmates and wished them happy holidays. We immediately went to Knoll's house to continue our celebration with our teacher, Sir John.

It was really fun there. We just chill out and talked about anything. When it was time to go, I said my goodbyes to all of my classmates and thanked them once again for the gifts.

All in all, I really enjoyed it and I hope we could do that again. It's already vacation for us that's why I'll really miss all of them :(



I wish them all an advanced Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :))

As well as my affies too :*

Labels: personal thoughts

Labels: own lit poem

You know the feeling when you can't say what you really want to say? when it's so hard for you to express yourself to others? when you locked up yourself for a long time and it's so difficult to get out? That's what i'm feeling right now. I'm exposed to this new kind of environment and it's hard for me to cope up. Well, you can't blame me. I've tried my best, believe me. But i really can't seem to do better and it's frustrating.


And the worst part is, they're putting me down. Yes, those people around me put me down. They keep telling me that i'm like this and i'm like that. Seriously, it's depressing. I told them that i'm doing my best, that it's also hard for me. They told me that they only want me to feel better, but honestly they're making me feel worse.


Don't get me wrong, i love them. At some point in my life, they're all i've got. But sometimes it's hard when i can't reach their expectations. I'm just me. I'm socially awkward, i'm shy, i'm scared, i'm fragile, i'm secretive, i'm sensitive, i lack in self-confidence. I just want them to understand that this is me. Sometimes i want to do things in my way and not be told by others. I'm so sick of people telling me to change just to please them. I really do want to be better and improve but i want to do it for myself, not for them. And honestly, i'm trying to change all of my negative traits but it's hard when they keep putting me down everytime. They're judging me without even knowing it and it hurts. I want them to know that even though i'm pure of insecurities inside, there's still a part of me that's worth keeping. I want them to see underneath my awkwardness. I hate to be judged because i know i'm better than those judgements.


I really don't know why they love to see me squirm under their gazes, why they love to make me feel bad about myself. I smile and tell them it's okay but inside i'm screaming 'why?'. They don't know that everytime they judge me and tell me hurtful things, i cry it all before i sleep at night. I cry because i'm not good enough for everyone, because they think i'm a socially inept weirdo, because no one seems to understand me. I'm tired of crying but still i cry because there's nothing much i can do. I just want to feel accepted, to feel appreciated, to feel important even just for once.


In times like this i wish i have my old friends. I wish i could still laugh with them at stupid things. I wish i have my old life back.

Labels: personal thoughts

**// i miss her, my bestfriend Daryll Unice :( i haven't heard about her since like forever. Darzydarsxdarsx imy soo much :*

Labels: personal thoughts

What is love? Such a cliché question. Honestly, almost everyone have their own definition of love. All of us vary because some just say what they think it means while others refer from their experiences.


Yesterday, my English teacher (Sir John) suddenly talked about it and asked me the same question, “what is love?”. As funny as it sounds I don’t know the answer so I just shrugged. One of my classmates said that you should love without reasons, that if you truly love someone you shouldn’t have reasons why because you just do. But my teacher had another opinion about this, he believes that loving someone has reasons and this reasons make it more special. He said not to waste our time to those people who claim to love us but can’t give us enough reason why.


I think this is the first time that I will disagree to Sir John (& I hope he wouldn’t read this) about a certain thing. Well, I think that love without reasons is the most beautiful one. Having reasons isn’t the only way to know if a guy (or a girl for others) is sincerely in love with you. For example, what if you ask a guy why he loves you and he tells you it’s because of your lips, and someday those lips lose its color? Or if he tells you it’s because of your eyes, what if those eyes lose its shine and have wrinkles? Or because of your skin, your hair. What if your skin age and become pale? And your hair grew white? I’m not only talking about physical beauty, if he tells you it’s because you’re caring and understanding and someday you fought about a petty thing, then he should stop loving you? I’m just saying that if those reasons fade someday, the one you love will also have a reason to stop feeling the way he feels for you. It’s like a limitation, a certain boundary you shouldn’t go beyond.


But who am I to say things like this? I didn’t even answer when Sir John asked me. I could’ve just said some famous quotations about love right? But you can’t blame me, I really don’t know what love is. I’ve never had a boyfriend before nor be in a relationship. I didn’t know because I’ve never been in love. How am I supposed to know how something feels when I never felt that way in my whole life?


But I’m not the hopeless-romantic-girl type. I’m just waiting for that special boy who’ll make me think that life is so much better when you have someone to share it with. That boy who’ll make me feel butterflies in my tummy whenever he’s around. That boy who’ll sway me off my feet and make me feel like I’m in some fairytale book (I know, another cliché).


And I’m not really stressing about love like others out there. I’m taking my time, I don’t wanna rush things. I mean, I’m still young and I have forever to deal with that right? And I believe in soulmates, that there is someone meant for you. And I know my other half is just out there waiting for me too. Someday I’ll meet him and we’ll figure each other out. Someday when someone asks me “what is love?” I’ll finally know the real answer because I’ll feel how to be in love.


Someday.

Labels: personal thoughts

Last Monday (July 25) while I was with my friend Jessa, I saw HiM walked past us and I’m just like “omg it’s him”. I suddenly turned my back to face Jessa and focused on my thoughts, thinking how the hell did he have to be there. Jessa asked me what’s wrong and I pointed at the boy in uniform while telling her everything that’s happened between him and me. I know I should just forget the past and move on with my life. Honestly I feel a lot better after that “thing” that happened between us but seeing him again is a different story.

I know you think I keep blabbering about this boy but I’m not even exactly telling you if he’s my ex or what, well you’re wrong if you assumed it like that. He’s just someone I used to know, let’s just put it that way. We became classmates, then bestfriends. And I fall for my bestfriend, a big mistake I ever did. We used to be very close about everything. We did our assignments together, we shared ideas about school activities, we were even lab partners. And before I knew it, I was already falling for him.

Everything was fine that time. I just hide my feelings because I didn’t want us to be awkward about each other. Then one day he told me he felt the same way, that he likes me too. He told me the sweetest things I’ve never imagined he’d tell me. I was so happy that time that I even wished he was the one for me. But I didn’t know all of my happiness would fade away that soon. I found out that he has a girlfriend, and some of my classmates are friends with her. They told me that she was kind, smart and really loves him.

Of course I was shocked, hurt, pissed, I even felt betrayed. But of all those things I’ve felt, there’s this one emotion that really ate me up, guilt. I know I’m not supposed to feel guilty but I just do. I tend to put myself in other’s situation and that’s what I did that time, I put myself in that girl’s shoes. What if your boyfriend is flirting with his classmate, what would you feel? Honestly I felt bad that time. If I just knew he had a girlfriend then I would’ve forced myself to stop liking him. I would’ve put some space between us and didn’t let him fall for me too. If only I knew.

I told him that I don’t want to be a third party, that I don’t want to ruin a relationship. He told me that he really loved the girl but when he met me, he just fall and started to love me more. He told me that he’s planning to break-up with her because he likes to be with me. I know that he’s sincere when he told me those things. That would’ve been my chance to be happy. I mean, all my life I always put others’ happiness before mine. I always think about others’ feelings not minding what it would make me feel. And I admit that time it really crossed my mind to think of what would make me happy, of how it would feel to be selfish just for once.

But I blocked that thought.

I really do like him and sometimes I picture myself being with him, but I realized that I can’t be happy knowing that I’ve hurt someone. And they say that’s what’s wrong with me, I give way for others and think too much of what they feel even if I’m hurting. I honestly don’t know why I’m like that and sometimes I wish I have the guts to stand up for myself and fight for what I really feel without others’ voices in my head pulling me back. So in the end I did what I think is right, I avoided him. I avoided my bestfriend, that boy who’s the only reason why I look forward to school everyday, that boy whom I like so much.

Then he started avoiding me too, I guess he got the message that I don’t want to be seen as a relationship-wrecker. Whenever we passed by each other in the hallway, he never spare a glance on me. And you know what? That really sucks. Seeing someone who used to be your bestfriend ignore you is the worst feeling of all. But who am I kidding? I’m the one who started ignoring him yet I felt bad. I know I should feel okay because I did the right thing but honestly I felt empty.

But I didn’t regret what I did. It’s just that what we had is too good to be true that I expected, I assumed. And seeing him again after a year at a random place just brings back all the memories, even the feelings. But even though we never really ended up with each other, I still wish him happiness. I wish he would find the right girl and be truly happy with her.

And if he gets to read this, I want him to know that someday when everything is put into the right place and settled, I hope for us to be like what we used to be before ..


Bestfriends.

Labels: personal thoughts

[Kiss]

He kissed her,

Then suddenly sparks flew everywhere.

The world behind her spun around,

Leaving her feet off the ground.

Her body seemed to feel tingly,

As the lights flickered wildly.

The magical bliss of a kiss,

Started when her lips touched his.




// it's funny how i could write a poem like this when i myself doesn't have any experience about this, except from what i read in books and movies i've seen. oh well, i don't need to rush things right? im gonna get there someday, at the right time with the right person. <3

Labels: own lit poem

Today was our Christmas Party and it was so much fun :]

At first, me and my cousin Venus didn't know how to make Buko Salad, which was our assigned recipe for the party ( Yeah I know we suck, but we're just not good in cooking and stuffs like that ). After a while, we figured out what to do and fortunately, it turned out good :] Then I fixed myself up and went straight to our school. There's so many food and everyone -even our teachers- were having a good time.

I could say that the highlight of the party was the part when we exchanged gifts. My classmate, Edison, gave me a super BiG white Teddy Bear :) It's really fluffy and I love it. Sean gave me a cute little Blue Magic stuff toy, mug & flower. I'm really thankful for those gifts and touched at the same time because of the dedication he said when he handed me those.

The dougie battle inside our room was hilarious. The 3rd year students did some crazy dance moves and it was really epic.

The foods were already eaten by that time and all were really having a good time. The games were next and I was chose to partner with Sean in the Paper Dance. It was really embarrassing because of all the teasing we received from our classmates. When the paper we had to share was already too small for the both of us, he gave me a piggy-back ride so in the end we won. We also played The Longest Line. It was Boys vs. Girls so us girls really did our best to take off anything we had just to make the longest line and guess what? we won again.

After the party, we said our goodbyes to the teachers and other schoolmates and wished them happy holidays. We immediately went to Knoll's house to continue our celebration with our teacher, Sir John.

It was really fun there. We just chill out and talked about anything. When it was time to go, I said my goodbyes to all of my classmates and thanked them once again for the gifts.

All in all, I really enjoyed it and I hope we could do that again. It's already vacation for us that's why I'll really miss all of them :(



I wish them all an advanced Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :))

As well as my affies too :*

Labels: personal thoughts

Labels: own lit poem

You know the feeling when you can't say what you really want to say? when it's so hard for you to express yourself to others? when you locked up yourself for a long time and it's so difficult to get out? That's what i'm feeling right now. I'm exposed to this new kind of environment and it's hard for me to cope up. Well, you can't blame me. I've tried my best, believe me. But i really can't seem to do better and it's frustrating.


And the worst part is, they're putting me down. Yes, those people around me put me down. They keep telling me that i'm like this and i'm like that. Seriously, it's depressing. I told them that i'm doing my best, that it's also hard for me. They told me that they only want me to feel better, but honestly they're making me feel worse.


Don't get me wrong, i love them. At some point in my life, they're all i've got. But sometimes it's hard when i can't reach their expectations. I'm just me. I'm socially awkward, i'm shy, i'm scared, i'm fragile, i'm secretive, i'm sensitive, i lack in self-confidence. I just want them to understand that this is me. Sometimes i want to do things in my way and not be told by others. I'm so sick of people telling me to change just to please them. I really do want to be better and improve but i want to do it for myself, not for them. And honestly, i'm trying to change all of my negative traits but it's hard when they keep putting me down everytime. They're judging me without even knowing it and it hurts. I want them to know that even though i'm pure of insecurities inside, there's still a part of me that's worth keeping. I want them to see underneath my awkwardness. I hate to be judged because i know i'm better than those judgements.


I really don't know why they love to see me squirm under their gazes, why they love to make me feel bad about myself. I smile and tell them it's okay but inside i'm screaming 'why?'. They don't know that everytime they judge me and tell me hurtful things, i cry it all before i sleep at night. I cry because i'm not good enough for everyone, because they think i'm a socially inept weirdo, because no one seems to understand me. I'm tired of crying but still i cry because there's nothing much i can do. I just want to feel accepted, to feel appreciated, to feel important even just for once.


In times like this i wish i have my old friends. I wish i could still laugh with them at stupid things. I wish i have my old life back.

Labels: personal thoughts

**// i miss her, my bestfriend Daryll Unice :( i haven't heard about her since like forever. Darzydarsxdarsx imy soo much :*

Labels: personal thoughts

What is love? Such a cliché question. Honestly, almost everyone have their own definition of love. All of us vary because some just say what they think it means while others refer from their experiences.


Yesterday, my English teacher (Sir John) suddenly talked about it and asked me the same question, “what is love?”. As funny as it sounds I don’t know the answer so I just shrugged. One of my classmates said that you should love without reasons, that if you truly love someone you shouldn’t have reasons why because you just do. But my teacher had another opinion about this, he believes that loving someone has reasons and this reasons make it more special. He said not to waste our time to those people who claim to love us but can’t give us enough reason why.


I think this is the first time that I will disagree to Sir John (& I hope he wouldn’t read this) about a certain thing. Well, I think that love without reasons is the most beautiful one. Having reasons isn’t the only way to know if a guy (or a girl for others) is sincerely in love with you. For example, what if you ask a guy why he loves you and he tells you it’s because of your lips, and someday those lips lose its color? Or if he tells you it’s because of your eyes, what if those eyes lose its shine and have wrinkles? Or because of your skin, your hair. What if your skin age and become pale? And your hair grew white? I’m not only talking about physical beauty, if he tells you it’s because you’re caring and understanding and someday you fought about a petty thing, then he should stop loving you? I’m just saying that if those reasons fade someday, the one you love will also have a reason to stop feeling the way he feels for you. It’s like a limitation, a certain boundary you shouldn’t go beyond.


But who am I to say things like this? I didn’t even answer when Sir John asked me. I could’ve just said some famous quotations about love right? But you can’t blame me, I really don’t know what love is. I’ve never had a boyfriend before nor be in a relationship. I didn’t know because I’ve never been in love. How am I supposed to know how something feels when I never felt that way in my whole life?


But I’m not the hopeless-romantic-girl type. I’m just waiting for that special boy who’ll make me think that life is so much better when you have someone to share it with. That boy who’ll make me feel butterflies in my tummy whenever he’s around. That boy who’ll sway me off my feet and make me feel like I’m in some fairytale book (I know, another cliché).


And I’m not really stressing about love like others out there. I’m taking my time, I don’t wanna rush things. I mean, I’m still young and I have forever to deal with that right? And I believe in soulmates, that there is someone meant for you. And I know my other half is just out there waiting for me too. Someday I’ll meet him and we’ll figure each other out. Someday when someone asks me “what is love?” I’ll finally know the real answer because I’ll feel how to be in love.


Someday.

Labels: personal thoughts

Last Monday (July 25) while I was with my friend Jessa, I saw HiM walked past us and I’m just like “omg it’s him”. I suddenly turned my back to face Jessa and focused on my thoughts, thinking how the hell did he have to be there. Jessa asked me what’s wrong and I pointed at the boy in uniform while telling her everything that’s happened between him and me. I know I should just forget the past and move on with my life. Honestly I feel a lot better after that “thing” that happened between us but seeing him again is a different story.

I know you think I keep blabbering about this boy but I’m not even exactly telling you if he’s my ex or what, well you’re wrong if you assumed it like that. He’s just someone I used to know, let’s just put it that way. We became classmates, then bestfriends. And I fall for my bestfriend, a big mistake I ever did. We used to be very close about everything. We did our assignments together, we shared ideas about school activities, we were even lab partners. And before I knew it, I was already falling for him.

Everything was fine that time. I just hide my feelings because I didn’t want us to be awkward about each other. Then one day he told me he felt the same way, that he likes me too. He told me the sweetest things I’ve never imagined he’d tell me. I was so happy that time that I even wished he was the one for me. But I didn’t know all of my happiness would fade away that soon. I found out that he has a girlfriend, and some of my classmates are friends with her. They told me that she was kind, smart and really loves him.

Of course I was shocked, hurt, pissed, I even felt betrayed. But of all those things I’ve felt, there’s this one emotion that really ate me up, guilt. I know I’m not supposed to feel guilty but I just do. I tend to put myself in other’s situation and that’s what I did that time, I put myself in that girl’s shoes. What if your boyfriend is flirting with his classmate, what would you feel? Honestly I felt bad that time. If I just knew he had a girlfriend then I would’ve forced myself to stop liking him. I would’ve put some space between us and didn’t let him fall for me too. If only I knew.

I told him that I don’t want to be a third party, that I don’t want to ruin a relationship. He told me that he really loved the girl but when he met me, he just fall and started to love me more. He told me that he’s planning to break-up with her because he likes to be with me. I know that he’s sincere when he told me those things. That would’ve been my chance to be happy. I mean, all my life I always put others’ happiness before mine. I always think about others’ feelings not minding what it would make me feel. And I admit that time it really crossed my mind to think of what would make me happy, of how it would feel to be selfish just for once.

But I blocked that thought.

I really do like him and sometimes I picture myself being with him, but I realized that I can’t be happy knowing that I’ve hurt someone. And they say that’s what’s wrong with me, I give way for others and think too much of what they feel even if I’m hurting. I honestly don’t know why I’m like that and sometimes I wish I have the guts to stand up for myself and fight for what I really feel without others’ voices in my head pulling me back. So in the end I did what I think is right, I avoided him. I avoided my bestfriend, that boy who’s the only reason why I look forward to school everyday, that boy whom I like so much.

Then he started avoiding me too, I guess he got the message that I don’t want to be seen as a relationship-wrecker. Whenever we passed by each other in the hallway, he never spare a glance on me. And you know what? That really sucks. Seeing someone who used to be your bestfriend ignore you is the worst feeling of all. But who am I kidding? I’m the one who started ignoring him yet I felt bad. I know I should feel okay because I did the right thing but honestly I felt empty.

But I didn’t regret what I did. It’s just that what we had is too good to be true that I expected, I assumed. And seeing him again after a year at a random place just brings back all the memories, even the feelings. But even though we never really ended up with each other, I still wish him happiness. I wish he would find the right girl and be truly happy with her.

And if he gets to read this, I want him to know that someday when everything is put into the right place and settled, I hope for us to be like what we used to be before ..


Bestfriends.

Labels: personal thoughts

[Kiss]

He kissed her,

Then suddenly sparks flew everywhere.

The world behind her spun around,

Leaving her feet off the ground.

Her body seemed to feel tingly,

As the lights flickered wildly.

The magical bliss of a kiss,

Started when her lips touched his.




// it's funny how i could write a poem like this when i myself doesn't have any experience about this, except from what i read in books and movies i've seen. oh well, i don't need to rush things right? im gonna get there someday, at the right time with the right person. <3

Labels: own lit poem

JHOI
** i am not one of those average teenage girls. i am nostalgic and narcissistic. i have a frisky personality and totally not a lackadaisical one. i love watching the moon and stars every night. i live and breathe music. i still believe in fairytales, prince charmings, & 11:11 wish.

- wanna know more about me, just ask :]

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Xmas Party :) bleed. words unsaid, feelings unexpressed.. missing her . what is love? seeing him again .. kiss A writer ... Happy 2nd ANNiVERSARY a touching story.

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